Day 1 Airports

Airports (4/8/08)
After yesterday's failed attempt at leaving I spent the rest of the day in stasis. Having already completed everything I needed to complete I had nothing to do. So i just smoked lots of pot and saw the homies one last time.
Today I arrived with time to spare. Security was quick and painless, despite the pocketknife I forgot i had in my carry on.
All of this pleasantness was shattered when i got on the tin tube of flesh bound for atlanta. 1 out of 3 Americans is overweight, and I must have hit the lottery because my seatmates, a old couple from Washington, probably had 500 pounds between them. Being crammed in the window seat led me to fantasize about methods to get moved to first class. Hell, I just dropped my apple and now it rolled back somewhere around aisle 44.
Anyway, back to 1st class upgrades. Two ideas came to mind while sitting here.Both involve quite a bit of bullshit and are really variations of the same idea. One either needs to start a verbal fight with his neighbor or feign some kind of claustrophobic fit. Either of these will probably get you moved but probably not to first class. Of course, your neighbor might also get moved but at least you would get the whole row to yourself and wouldn't be getting spit on every time Larry in 40E (or whatever his name is) coughs.
2 out of the 3 bathrooms in couch are broken and the satellite tv is on the fritz (much to Larry's chagrin).
Time to destination (ATL) 49 minutes.